She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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