Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
