Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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