the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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