The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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