i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
