What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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