Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
