i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We need to get me chipped asap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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