Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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