That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
