i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
