whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
