so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
only you would photoshop your dick
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
