I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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