smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
