i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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