At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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