I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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