Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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