A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
