Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When are your genitals available?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
