there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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