he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
