Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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