i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
