Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
