Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
