I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
