Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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