Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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