True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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