Barsexuality is the new black.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize