The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
