i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
