I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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