At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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