Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
