i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
