I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Randomize
