Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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