Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
