She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im holly from the hills drunk
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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