I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
