So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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