Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
