absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
