he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
