She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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