and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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