community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
