Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.

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(954): View more from Florida

a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube

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(201): View more from New Jersey

On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha

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(651): View more from Minnesota

It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...

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(845): View more from New York

Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.

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(863): View more from Florida

After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.

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(646): View more from New York

I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.

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