Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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