is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
