She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
