Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
