have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
