I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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