Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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