**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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