Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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