Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
