Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
