i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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