I smell stomach acid.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
