Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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