i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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